Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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