also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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