If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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