If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
