guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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