These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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