Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
