so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
