You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize