I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize