Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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