Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize