dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
