You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
