Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
