im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
