all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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