Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
