girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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