Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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