my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
