There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
