im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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