Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
