the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize