my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
