I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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