So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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