I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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