Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
