my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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