did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
