Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
