Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
