btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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