I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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