the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize