Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this just has baby written all over it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
