I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
