You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
