Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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