I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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