I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
