theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
