If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
