God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
