i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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