seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
