Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
