I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
