I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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