He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
