I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize