When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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