i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I AM VODKA MAN
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
