I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
