Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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