is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize