I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
