think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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