Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I looked at my own cervix.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
