I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
