ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
