Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
