Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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