Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize