i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
