I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
